Billy the Magical Flying Toaster Oven
by RainbowBarfingUnicorn
Summary: Once upon a time, in a far-away land known as Celeryville, a Greek goddess and her toaster oven live. But what happens when a long-standing immortal feud over a box of Cheerios conflicts with the forbidden love of a magical pony? And what happens when the donut-loving villagers are forced to only eat celery? Rated T for violence, enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello random person on the internet who happened to stumble across my super weird story! This is based off of the idea of a Greek myth so that explains all the forbidden love, death, and randomness...**

 **Enjoy! :)**

Once upon a time, Demeter was having a spring walk through Celeryville with her pet toaster oven, CeCe (short for Sesame, much to the toaster oven horror.)

Demeter was taking her regular shortcut through the wonderful village, filled with bakeries and donuts and omelettes, delicious foods of every type and flavor. Demeter always said she took this route, because it was scenic, but CeCe knew the real reason:

To stay away from her mortal enemy, Medusa, who had stolen a box of Cheerios from Demeter a few millenia back, but what can I say, immortals are petty.

Demeter sang the Mini Wheats theme song as she bounced down the road, blessing everyone with golden grain. Then, Cece jumped off to toast some toast for her good friend Bill, the kind baker down the street, but then she got lost. She turned a corner, and suddenly met the love of her life, Pegasus! She and Pegasus began kissing. They knew their love would be forbidden by their parents, who were enemies (as Medusa was Pegasus's mother), so they quickly ran away to the woods to get married. They lived happily as husband and wife for two hours, until Demeter found them. Demeter was going to punish CeCe with her horrible wrath, but realized that CeCe was already pregnant, and she couldn't hurt the innocent baby. So instead, she killed Bill, the innocent baker, so that CeCe would be sad. As if that wasn't enough, she cursed the people of Celeryville to only be able to eat celery until Pegasus was dead.

The angry villagers chased Pegasus and CeCe, intent on killing Pegasus so they could have their donuts back. They killed him slowly and painfully in front of CeCe, and then ran back to the village to have a joyous feast of literally everything but celery.

CeCe was going to kill herself, but realized she was pregnant, and she couldn't hurt the baby. So, she decided to give birth, so that she could kill herself and join her true love Pegasus in death. She gave birth to a magical flying toaster oven, and named it Billy after her dead friend.

Then she pulled out a knife, about to stab herself, when Demeter came out of nowhere, and turned her immortal so that she would be forced to live with her guilt and sorrow of Pegasus for eternity.

Then, Demeter sold CeCe into slavery and stole Billy. Billy became the god of Magical Flying Toaster Ovens, and never knew anything about his past.

And all over a box of Cheerios.

 **YAY There you go! :) Have a nice life, and review and stuff I guess.**

 **-RBU**


	2. Billy the Truck Driver

**Good morning everyone! Um, remember last chapter that was super weird? You know like with the flying toaster ovens, Celeryville, death, and all that? This is the sequel to that chapter! Yes, more weirdness!**

 **Well, um, it turns out Billy the God of Magical Flying Toaster Ovens later on had a demigod son, Billy Junior, who lived among muggles all his life and never knew about his parents.**

 **Billy Junior is a truck driver who works at Dunkin' Donuts.**

 **(No copyright infringement** **to PJO, which is Rick Riordan's, and no copyright infringement to Dunkin' Donuts.)**

 **Enjoy!**

All was still and silent in the night. There was a gentle croaking of frogs in the creek, and Billy drove the Dunkin Donuts truck down the road, the motor whirring softly and the smell of icing wafting about the back of the truck. The dark alleyways of the city loomed ahead, as he slowly pulled his truck into a gloomily lit, dark, and wide alleyway, wide enough to fit two of the Dunkin Donuts trucks lengthwise. The small song of nature budding and dancing in the moonlight was accompanied by a stifled murmuring, and a strange scraping on the top of his neighbors' roof that was irritatingly like the screaming of nails on a chalkboard.

 _Just a little noise,_ he thought to himself simply _I'll survive._

He opened the back of his truck, twisting open the lock, and was reaching for his midnight snack, a glazed sour cream donut (his favorite kind), when suddenly the scraping was brought to an abrupt halt. The night seemed ten times more quiet than before.

 _Good riddance,_ he thought cheerfully. _Now I might eat my donut in peace._

He reached again, for that wonderful sour cream donut, thickly glazed and sweet and heavy, calling his name…

 _Billy eat me... I am a delicious donut… Nom nom nom…_

He closed his eyes blissfully as he brought that masterpiece of a donut to his mouth, when suddenly…

SCRAAAAAAAPPPE

 _AUGH!_ Billy thought in anguish, _Can I just eat my donut in peace?! Is that too much to ask?!_

Suddenly curious, he made his way to the edge of the building to peer up into the dark, determined to find the source of this horrible noise.

He spotted a rusty and bent ladder leading to the top of the building, feeling adventurous.

 _Heh,_ he thought _This is true bravery. All the ladies at Dunkin Donuts are going to be so impressed by my manliness._ He thought of his co-worker crush, Nellie, and wiggled his eyebrows, and flexed his flabby, muscle-less arms, soft from many, many donuts.

He beheld the ladder and then began to climb.

The moment he put one limb onto the ladder it creaked and groaned under his weight, nearly (but not quite) drowning out the unearthly screeching emanating from the roof above.

But, Billy, being the intelligent person he is, climbed on, for the sake of donuts and his 'manliness.'

He went on for about 5 rungs, one after the other, before he had to stop and catch his breath. As he quieted his panting, he realized that he could just barely make out the muttering from the top of the building in the intervals between the scraping.

"What IS that awful *bleep* *bleep* noise coming from the ladder down there?!" one hissed under his breath, "It sounds as if the entire side of the townhouse will be ripped off its hinges!"

A screech rang across the pavement roof once again, and then a female voice whispered in an irked voice, "Honestly, can we not just steal this piano in peace?!"

Billy caught a glimpse of the sign by their mailbox from up that high, and it said… Alaska Richardson _and_ _Nellie Coleman?!_

Nellie and her roommate were being robbed! He gasped, thinking of her bouncy brown curls and green eyes, and how she would get a maple donut every day with her coffee… He would heroically save her from these thieves and then-

His daydream was (fortunately for us readers) cut off by a continued screech, followed up by some swear words.

"Why the *bleep* did I *bleep*ing skip *bleep* gym class all *bleep*ing high school?! I can hardly push this stupid… piano.." exclaimed the male voice, frustrated, then trailing off into a series of pants and gasps from pushing such a heavy piano.

"Shh… Phil, don't get us caught." warned the female voice, "I can't go to jail again." she added in a lower voice.

"Right." answered Phil quietly.

Billy pulled himself up a next rung, and another, hoping the thieves would abandon ship once they got caught. The ladder protested loudly, and the top was ever closer. He grunted, reaching for the top, when the ladder came out from underneath him, and clattered to the ground, leaving Billy hanging at the edge.

A dark, muscular figure came to the edge, with a black hoodie pulled over himself, his face shrouded by darkness, a shining piano beside him, and the pale, large moon fair over the clear sky, and the scratched pavement.

"Well, who the *bleep* *bleep* son of a *bleep*ing *bleep* do we have here?" said Phil ominously.

"I knew someone was climbing up that ladder." the woman muttered, wearing a dark gray hoodie obscuring her face from Billy.

Billy, having nothing remotely intelligent to say, and still slightly in shock that he was currently hanging over the brink of death, mumbled, "Nellie, piano, must… save… Nellie."

Finding strength in his own resolve, he began to gather whatever semblance of physical aptitude he had, just to heave himself over the side.

"He knows *bleep*ing everything." Phil said.

"Sorry, but no survivors." said the woman said not so apologetically, walking to his hands, which were clasped onto the edge of the building.

"But but but-" Billy stammered.

"You know, Billy, you were always one of my favorites in my undercover days… So amusing… People never really know how the FBI is always there, always watching. You weren't exactly- How do I say this?- The brightest, but I was so shocked you had no idea, at all, even as I walked by you every day, analyzing your every move, the miniscule movements of other intelligence organizations within your unassuming Dunkin Donuts shop." she paused here.

Then she removed her hood to reveal…

The starlight rustled across her hair, the color indistinguishable in the pale light of the night, but Billy recognized her face immediately.

It was Nellie.

A pang of shock went through Billy, so deep that he felt as if his organs had begun to strangle him from the inside.

"You know too much and Alaska's piano needs to go." she said simply.

"Ala- Alaska piano…" stuttered Billy, struggling to make sense of his situation.

"Oh, yes, it has international tracking devices on it. It appears that Russia has successfully bugged the apartment of a top FBI agent." she said. "They somehow welded them into the metal." She stopped to think over this.

"Your donuts were always excellent, though." she added with a sick smile.

"Bye-bye!" she said cheerfully, pushing him off the edge.

Billy could hardly register the sequence of events. It seemed as if his life had entirely turned around, and of course, was about to meet it's untimely end.

Then, there was the substantial _whack_ across the pavement, and Billy's entire body felt sore, and his legs were entirely limp, broken on the ground.

His vision swam in and out of reality, the blood across the sidewalk and the throbbing in his broken legs.

 _I'm dying._ He thought.

This realization was surprisingly met with numbness, as if he had just lost his emotional capability.

 _And I never got to eat that delicious sour cream donut…_

He felt a wave of sorrow. After all, the joy of life was in simple pleasures. He mulled over this, approaching death making him philosophical. This lost donut might be his greatest regret, besides of course, leaving his five cats in his apartment as poor little orphans. How will Mew Mew and Sprinkle survive the harsh world of the streets?

He heard a voice, "Hey Phil, he isn't dead, go get the piano!" yelled a woman. Nellie.

"A mother *bleep*ing piano?! How will that solve the fact that you just *bleep*ing broke cover?!" Phil yelled.

"Oh, you know I can't help myself. It was dramatic and all." Nellie said dismissively.

"Whatever." said Phil, dragging the piano to the edge with a resounding screech.

Nellie silently smiled.

"What now?" said Phil impatiently.

"Push it over." she said serenely, and Phil, grunting, pushed the piano off the roof, and it fell and fell… down onto the body of Billy.

There was a big _squish_ as he was flattened into a bloody human pancake under the enormous piano, and his life flickered, and disappeared.

THE END

 **HA POOR BILLY**

 **Well there you go. Billy (Junior) is dead. He's kind of an idiot, but admit it, you didn't want him to die. Given my history of writing, that's no big surprise anyways. :) Have a nice life, and review and stuff if you get the chance!**


End file.
